I cried.
I realise how alone i'm standing. I've got no one to turn to, i dont choose because i cant even choose. Everyone's busy.
But i'm right here tearing and feeling pain. Pain that i cant describe in words.
I dont know why i cried, just all of a sudden, while the conductor speaks. I just feel annoyed and sad and pissed and guilty, just a lot of mixed feelings. I knew i had to say something to save the current situation, but reality speaks that i'm no longer a leader. Who would bother listening to me? So to speak, i'm afraid and frightened. It's barely less than a month to SYF.
I'm torn apart. Blame me, blame me for being who i am. A fucking fat girl who aint guts to say things out, who aint any initiative to tell friends how i feel, aint smart to tell others they've misunderstood me.
Someday when i get tired of life like this, i dont care if i'm young or incapable. I would really runaway from home. To somewhere where i know nobody. Maybe,..... heaven or hell
